i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
