I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize