If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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