i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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