your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
