sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
