Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
