Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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