Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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