I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
