True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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