You really coming over, don't trick.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
