She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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