Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
