Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
