Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
