My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
