I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
