i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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