How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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