someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
