You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
