That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
