i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
