She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
