I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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