Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
