What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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