Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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