Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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