Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
