It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
