you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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