I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
