so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
