I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
