ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize