Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
