If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
