god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
