oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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