i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
