The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize