do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
