The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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