Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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