It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize