He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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