i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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