I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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