I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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