i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
