i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
