That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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