I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
