it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize