this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
