yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
