life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
