great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
