Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
