I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
