Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
