Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
