Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
