i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
