I must be too annoying 4 u.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize