I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
