You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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