A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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