i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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