were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
