Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
