I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
