Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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