you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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