I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
