sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
