ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My sheets look like a crime scene.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize