So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
