Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
