Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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