Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
