I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
