hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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