Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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