hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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