Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
