there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
