I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize