Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
